A restless ocean heart By Niles King 19/11/2014
nature + more
- Sit on top of a tall building and meditate. They will come.
- Older spaceships do not automatically adjust the tractor beam to the mass of the object it beams up.
- If possible, chalk down how much you weigh.
- Wear a backpack. Strap it on tightly. Bring food.
- Once on board, do not say ’take me to your leader’, or anything threatening.
- Prepare for telepathic torture.
- Escape is unlikely once in space.
- Wish upon the stars. They might take you home.
- The escape pods are too small.
- Spacewars increase your chances of both escaping and dying.
- If you make it to another planet, escape. Walk on hands and feet. They will not recognize you.
- Locate the nearest telephone booth. They are translucent yellow. Call HGK477.
- Having HGK477 come pick you up is extremely expensive. Get insurance.
Note: This guide is flawed and needs more research for more accurate results. However, the researcher got beamed up in a terrible fashion and has let us know he does not want to continue the research.
If you want insurance, comment GET477NOW. It’s free.
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